En Mis Ojos y Vida

Moving on.

2011-06-15T17:45:00.000-04:00

I consider this my high school blog. I've got a new one now for college and beyond. It's still titled the same thing, but it's a Tumblr. I love to Tumbl. <3 Even though the contents may not be 100% original and I may not be as open about my personal life, I think I like the censorship.

I'll always have an attachment with this blog, it does contain a certain amount of my life and what I went through, biut it's time to move on. But just for a recap. Graduation was the happiest day of my life and summer so far has been a ball. :)

I'm so ready for the unwritten book called my life.

Check out the new blog.

Peace. Love. Unity. Respect.

Always yours,
Jill Ann Schnorr

19 days.

2011-05-06T15:50:00.002-04:00

19 days.
19 days!
19 days!!!!!
19 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I will NEVER walk into DHS again. SOOOOOOO livid. SOOOOOOO VERYYYYYY LIVID.

Did I mention, 19 days? Even that is too long. I want out, AHORA.

Redemption Song

2011-05-02T22:45:00.001-04:00

Exactly how I feel...
Kudos Mr. Marley. I've got mad respect.

New Videos

2011-05-01T11:11:00.002-04:00

Bassheads

2011-04-23T00:41:00.002-04:00

Bassnectar was AWESOME. His music gave me some of the best feelings of my life. I love dubstep <3 I love C. True. <3

I need a cry

2011-04-05T18:07:00.000-04:00

There's only one thing that could possibly make this week worse... Death of a family member or friend.

This week has been terrible. I don't want to talk about anything I just want Saturday. I want Boston. I want Suffolk U. I want OUT. So bad.......

I could change my mind. It's not too late. I need a good ole cry.

Maine National Anthem Contest

2011-04-03T23:33:00.000-04:00

Let's say I was a part of it. We'll talk about the feelings of the day in another format, much more private format. Many aspects of the day angered me, but it's not a reason to blog about. Here's the video that pretty much summed up four hours of sitting in the Kora Shrine in Lewiston on Saturday.

Note to self:

2011-03-31T22:45:00.000-04:00

White is in for spring. <3

Changing my major

2011-03-29T20:12:00.000-04:00

Dear Anatomy & Physiology, I hate you. I honestly hate you. A lot. I quit.
Journalism, here I come....
I'm calling Husson tomorrow to ask them to change my major. I cannot do this for four years.

Sincerely with extreme dislike,
Jill A. Schnorr

Stress is the enemy

2011-03-21T14:15:00.001-04:00

I’ve got so much work to do.... There’s so much that I feel like procrastinating all of it. I’m so so ready to be out of DHS. I want to go to the University. I want the dorm life. I want to be on my own for a while. I want a vacation. I feel so trapped. I feel so tied down. I literally have no time to donate or do anything leisurely at all. I want to take pictures, but I never have time. I wanted to ski, I never had time. I want to SLEEP. I never have time.

I’m always busy, always moving, but barely moving because I’m so exhausted. Last week, I skipped school and slept for 20 hours, but now it’s all worn off again.

I need to stop what I’m doing and narrow the “crazy” nights down. It’s killing me.

I may have two jobs by the end of this week. I’m juggling high school and college classes. I’m so worn out. I’m so stressed. I stayed up all night lastnight doing homewor lastnight. I neeeeeeeeed a vacation. Thank God for teacher workshop days.

I spent an hour venting in my journal. It felt so good to just let so much out. All of the stress. I don’t gossip and I usually don’t tell people how mad I am at them, but oh man when it comes out, it comes out as a nuclear bomb.

Well, here I go on my portfolio.

I'm on my way to new adventures

2011-03-16T11:53:00.000-04:00

I get so sick of the repetition. I'm the kind of person who runs away just to avoid a schedule and rebels just to create something new.

I've skipped a lot this semester already. I'm ready to gtfo of that high school and walk into my college dorm (well, maybe have some summer adventures).

I've recently received $23,000 in financial aid/scholarships. Needless to say, a huge bolder has been lifted off my shoulder. But, with one relief comes a new stress. Because I've missed so much, I had no senior privs. until next quarter. Whatever, I can deal with that. It's only a couple weeks.

The annoying part is having to walk to e. campus twice a day to go to Pass (an organization to help students bring up their grades). The reason I'm in there is kind of helpless. It's because of the hardest teacher (probably) in the district. I work on her materials more than of any other class, including the college class I'm taking.

I've been avoiding arguments and in some cases, speaking to some people. Project grad and prom, I have a feeling, will be extremely awkward situations. I am not even on speaking terms with a majority of my classmates. I feel like they're the siblings you live with in a room your entire life and by the time you're teenagers you just want to scream at them, all the time.

Graduation is in 50 days, give or take. I just have to push through it.

Tattoo

2011-03-10T13:43:00.000-05:00

I'm in the midst of what I would consider a grandisimo tattoo. I've already got the two wittle butterflies. (As seen below.)

However, I'm already deciding that I want the butterflies to continue all the way across my pelvis and then have this in the center. (It stands for Peace.Love.Unity.Respect)

This means a lot to me... and I believe it's how we should all live.

Rough Week

2011-02-16T11:11:00.000-05:00

It's been a rough week so far. It seems like nothing has gone right at all. The tension could be cut with a knife, probably a steak knife. That rough.

It's hump day though. Only two days left and it's vacation and I couldn't need it more. I'm spending most of it working though. Oh well, I'm gonna need the money for March. *sigh* The stupid things teenagers too. How I regret...

I stayed home today to write my college paper. Man I hate my procrastination....

I need to do yoga and relax... Right after I finish this paper and go to Farmtown. Alright, here we go....

A Simple Wish

2011-02-14T00:07:00.001-05:00

Imagine living for someone, breathing, working, playing, dreaming just to sustain their happiness. Imagine long nights of laugher and conversation. Imagine a free 24/7 psychologist, nurse, caregiver. Imagine today, tomorrow, and everyday after that with one person.

How I wish I had whoever you are right now... These decisions are too hard for one girl to handle. I can't sleep. I don't want to move further in time. I've got my freedom and now I don't want it...

Tattoo

2011-02-10T00:43:00.000-05:00

I want something like this... on my body. :)

Drawing by P. Garrido

Stressin'

2011-02-08T21:35:00.000-05:00

I think Future Perspectives is doing something for me. We talked about time management. I've spent so much time today just doing homework. I'm about to spend an hour or so studying for an anatomy test tomorrow. I hate the muscles. They mustn't have been thinking of the poor students of the future who would have to learn those bogus latin names! Sternocleidomastoid.... REALLY? Who can remember how to say that never mind spell it! Thank god she's giving us a word bank...

This semester is going to be the death of me. People say that senior year is easier than junior, but it's worse. I have filled out four total scholarships because I'm always doing something. I've got no down time anymore. This has got to be doing something bad to my body. I've done nothing today but work. I haven't even eaten a decent meal...

I had to buy a new iPod yesterday because of how obsessed I am with technology. Someone at my work stole my 32GB 3rd generation $300 iPod touch on Sunday... I've been so irritable for the last couple of days. It's like you can never win. So obsessive Jill spent $300 on a 4th generation 32GB iPod touch yesterday like a fool. I could've paid for my college entry fee with that, but nope. I was stupid because I can't go one day without an iPod.

Since I've turned 18, it's all gone downhill and that's exactly what my brother said. He came up from RI yesterday to visit. I suddenly want to be 16 again. Damn it, I need a vacation. I was just thinking yesterday how much I miss both Cancún and Chicago.... I want to go dancing with my girls all night again and just hang out on beaches at night in the humid air...

Man I'm stressed out....

I'm Eighteen Now

2011-02-07T09:48:00.002-05:00

I am currently working on an Autobiography in Future Perspectives. The goal of the paper is to write ten pages about your family, friends, the events that impacted you, and many other criteria. My goal is to get it done in chunks. It’s due in about a month, hopefully it isn’t as hard as it appears. I’ve got my family tree almost done, apparently that is the hardest part. I’ve got an outline going for the general ideas of what I want to write about, I just haven’t structured them yet. It’s going to be personal, I can’t help but incorporate that into everything that I write. Mrs. P had us write a letter to ourselves, which we had to read in two years and see how we will change. We read the ones which we wrote when we were sophomores and I was unbelievably disappointed in my self on many levels. Many of the things I said I would do never happened, but that’s not happening this time around. At this point in my life, I have everything in my palm waiting for me to just clench it and grab it. If I wait to long, it’ll float away like a feather in the wind. I’ll never let the feathers go; the bad ones of course, but never the beautiful ones. I sound like a hippie...

I just turned eighteen on Saturday. It was a celebration for everyone I was around, except for my father it seemed. He was rather sad that his baby was all grown up. Even this morning he seemed down about it. My father gave me the Jeep, which I am so thankful for. I was getting stressed about how I was going to get to and from college every month or so to go home and visit. My mother got me a huge Coach purse, very niceeee. My stepmother convinced my father to get me a huge book (which is meant for people who just got married) and got it professionally made with all my senior pictures and some baby pictures. My step brother bought me tulips and a very explicit card with a picture of an elderly man in a g string. It made everyone’s day. Makaila and Larissa said that they got me presents. I love friends who do that, even if it’s just something simple, makes me feel special. :)

I’m happy to be eighteen, but at the same time, it’s a let down. I feel like I’m not a kid anymore. In just the last week, I’ve been thrown a few curve balls I wasn’t expecting. It’s honestly not all it cracked up to be. Seventeen was for sure the best year of my life, hands down. I’m not saying eighteen won’t be fun. I just can’t get away with the stuff I got away with without serious consequences. It’s the end of one phase and the beginning of a bigger, much scarier one. I graduate high school in four months. I’m terrified.

When I Was Seventeen.......

2011-02-05T00:00:00.025-05:00

I feel like I might be on this show someday, so...
When I was seventeen, I:

• spent my birthday with the triangle. <3

• got over the crap from 2009.

• fell in love, twice.

• got kicked out of my school's NHS.

• cut my hair extremely short to donate to cancer.

• lived for the weekends and my friends.

• deleted half the people off my Facebook out of anger.

• went to Cancun, twice.

• pierced my belly button, behind both parent's backs.

• went to two museums, and one of the new 7th world wonders in a bikini.

• drove a jet ski

• got caught partying and got away with a slap on the wrist.

• was the 3rd accepted to college in my class.

• dressed fabulously.

• was one of the first in Coos Canyon

• spent three weeks in Chicago, instead of the entire senior year.

• danced to reggaeton and hip-hip with a bunch of black guys.

• tanned almost everyday of the summer, shopped when I wasn't at the beach.

• went to Boston.

• went to Bangor for Valentine's day.

• dressed as Bonnie Parker for Halloween.

• spent money foolishly.

• got away with a lot of stuff.

• lost a couple, but made a lot of friends.

• stopped being promiscuous.

• got my first job.

• regretted few things and lived life to the fullest, all day, every day.

Hello, 18. I'm ready for your adventures and wherever they take me. :)

Time To Grow Up?

2011-02-03T12:15:00.001-05:00

There are days when I feel like doing nothing but slothing around and sleeping. It’s when winter has hit me dead on and I feel completely useless. Then I have days, like yesterday when I get so many things done that it makes up for the countless days that I’ve slacked.

Those days show up mysterious as a ghost and I find myself loosing my drive as quickly as it came around.

Yesterday I was awesome. I finished my FAFSA, four scholarship applications, and all of my homework. I even did some government that isn’t due until next week. I would’ve gotten more done too had I not started listening to Nicki Minaj’s Roman’s Revenge on repeat for an hour. Something about that song makes me angry at the world.

Lately I’ve learned a big, tough lesson that’s made me realize, shit I turn eighteen in two days and if I get caught doing some of the things I’ve done in the past, I will be in prison. It’s made me think of the road that I need to be on and what I’ve been doing the last six months isn’t it.

Don’t get me wrong, the last six months, year even, have been the best months of my life. They were fun, dangerous, hilarious, but extremely irresponsible. I’ll remember that year as the year of the renegade where I just rebelled against everything for no reason.

It’s time to grow up now. I’ve been giving myself space to grow up, to catch up, to meet new people. They’re all from Maine, but at least they’re not from smalltown Maine. It’s just time to move past the period of mistakes and start making good decisions, or I’m not going to go anywhere in life.

I miss photography. I haven't taken a picture in a long time...

The Other Paris Opens My Eyes...

2011-01-20T10:00:00.002-05:00

    I just read an except of The Other Paris for a timed writing in AP Lit class, and the way that the characters interact, make me feel horrid about how society sucks people in and makes people live their lives a certain way.....


    In many ancient cultures, arranged marriages are planned between two families so that they may unite when children are born. These children have no choice but to enter matrimony with a person they may or may not know and live and raise children with that person all of their life. In most cases, there is no way out of the situation and the couple remain together even if they are not in love not because of personal satisfaction, but because society would deem them unruly presuming they enter a divorce. In recent generations, however, people have the right to enter or exit marriages when they please. When they are young, they are on the constant hunt for their mate and don’t always consider the options when they are choosing their partner. Even though they have these freedoms, some people may or may not marry who they choose depending on how well their character is. In the excerpt from The Other Paris, a couple become engaged only because society and their families wants them to.

    Carol and Howard are two people who are clearly not in love. “He and Carol had known each other less than three weeks, and their conversation, until then, had been limited to their office...” (10-12). Many people who are not head strong enough allow the media, peer pressure, and the rules of society influence how they live. They allow society to run how they live because they are not smart or secure enough to live their own lives.

    Sometimes people will allow themselves to follow the word of other people even if they would not have made that decision on their own. Howard’s sisters “advised him to marry some nice girl before it was too late” (71+71). The author shows Howard’s weak character because he does not make this life changing decision on his own. He instead hastily and casually proposed matrimony on a woman he had known for less than a month. “His sudden proposal to Carol had been quite out of character — he was commonly cautious.” (59-61) This sudden change in character makes one wonder why of all life decisions, would he choose to rush into one of the most important. His proposal isn’t even romantic, he “proposed at linch, over a tuna-fish salad.” (9) Howard just could not bear to live one more day alone.

    Current society sees a person who lives alone as a pitiful and unworthy citizen. Material possessions are also more important than they may have been during the days of the arranged marriages. It is believed that in order for a person to be happy, they must swim in money, have four cars, and a house that one could get lost in. “Carol rated the chances of love in a cottage or a furnished room at zero.” (49) Unless Howard built her a fancy house and gave her a life of luxury, she would not be happy. Her mind set was that “he was an economist who had sense enough to attach himself to a corporation that continued to pay his salary during his loan to the government. There was no reason for the engagement or the marriage to fail.” (40-44) Her character of a desire for material things blindsides the meaning of true happiness and this is quite pitiful. Howard uses her all the same, except in a different manner.

    Many men see women as inferiors and often take them for granted. Carol expects a life of luxury, while Howard wants “a competent housemaid” (67). This makes Howard not only impulsive, but incompetent in taking care of himself. Society views men drinking beer in front of the television on a Sunday afternoon while the women make dinner. The man is supposed to work all day at the office while the woman stays home and cares for the children. The whole scenario is very stereotypical.

    This excerpt is a droll example of a modern day painting of an American relationship. The shrewd thought process and frank expectations of the other spouse are unfortunate, yet unbelievably truthful. A person who cannot make their own decision will never live their own life, but continue to attempt to follow the “rules of society”. One should shape their life, before society does it for them.

Kandi Land

2011-01-13T12:22:00.003-05:00

Kandi Land
Originally uploaded by Jilly2011
Came home sick today... I feel like the swollen nose gives me a unique look.

I can't focus. Finals week makes me want to just give up on it all. What's the point. Then again, I can't do that. I refuse to be stuck in this town forever.

I'm just very narcissistic today. I may go to Bethel for class, may not. May go to Lewiston for class, may not. Depends I guess. LAZY girl.

I'm obsesssed with this song:

Eugene's Unfortunate Life

2011-01-12T18:59:00.003-05:00

This is my Economics paper, hopefully my teacher doesn't get mad about his drug problem!:

Eugene McGillicuddy started off as an “average businessman”. He had married his sweetheart, Mildred when they had got out of high school, they had their first child soon after. He was the manager of a shipping company and had many people under him, but he felt he was underemployed, he always tended to think he was better than he actually was at things and quit that job. Later that week, he found out that his wife was pregnant with twins. Because he was frictionally unemployed, he continued to job search until an opening came at a different shipping company. He dropped down a level lower and ended up having to stock meat because some middle schoolers recently became structurally unemployed. This was because they didn’t know how to read a thermometer.

After having this job for about a year, Eugene’s manager fired him because he was stealing meat under his shirt after work and most of his other co workers got fired because of globalization. The company moved to Japan because management discovered that they could pay Japanese people to do the labor for half the price compared to an American worker. So poor Eugene had spent all his money on his credit card and got a job picking blueberries, but after the season ended, he was seasonally unemployed and he started drinking all the blueberry wine the company had manufactured and fell into a deep alcoholic problem. By the time this happened, the whole country’s unemployment rate started to increase and so did Eugene’s gambling and drug habits. He stopped getting unemployment insurance and started to sell drugs instead but became cyclically unemployed. Yes, Eugene got unemployed from the drug deal business. The economy was that bad. Eugene lost complete contact and respect from his family because he was always so under the influence. He developed schizophrenia and a really bad fashion style, so he became a discouraged worker and committed suicide... A year later, the country achieved full employment again and everyone was happy, but Eugene was dead.

Woooo I'm the Catepillar!

2011-01-11T22:46:00.000-05:00

I wish I was this little guy. He's so relaxed, then happy, then angry. Hello, my name is Jill and I am the emotional caterpillar.

What I'm Excited For!

2011-01-07T23:31:00.000-05:00

Real talk, no shizzz.

http://listography.com/jschnorr

Dubstep is More Than Noise.

2011-01-01T19:18:00.001-05:00

When I first heard it in August, it was like a bowl of noise attacking my ears. Dubstep meant nothing. It was so confusing to listen to. Sometimes I forget that music is so much more than just meaningless white noise. In order to understand what is going on with the song, you have to close your eyes, empty your mind and try to find the deep lyricism within the noise.

Dubstep, techno, electronic; all of those genres have hidden messages. They all have a story just like any hip hop or r&b song. They make you want to cry sometimes and you feel everything they're feeling.

Take a listen sometime and try to understand. Bet you you can't do it.

Home Sick.

2010-12-14T13:04:00.000-05:00

I've been home sick all day :/ I'm taking a break from everything to do a survey. They're always relaxing.

Do you think your first love still loves you?

Yes, he does but I'm over him...

What are your plans for tomorrow?

School and skiing pretty much...

So, what do you want for your birthday?

Mucho dinero.

How was your weekend?

The norm for the most part. But I have the craziest friends in the world.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?

Paul Garrido.

How do you feel right now?

Pretty tranquil.

Is there someone you'd like to fix things with?

Yeah kind of but I doubt he nor she will get over it.

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing important.

Are you happy right now?

Eh, yeah.

Are you a bad influence?

Everyday.

Who is your last received call from?

Britt Wright.

Is it usually easy for someone to make you smile?

Oh yess.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

Definitely more than once.

Did you enjoy your day today?

Yeah, it's the first lazy day I've had in weeks.

Do you know anyone that smokes?

Obviously...

Have you ever looked at the stars with someone?

Yes, it's been a long time. I always smile when I think of that August night. :) Wonder how that person is...

Why aren't you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love with?

Distance is a bitch.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past week?

Yes.

Say your last ex walks up to you and hugs you, what do you do?

Hug him back and smile.

Have you ever kissed an ex after you broke up?

Yes, but only the recent one.

Are you happier today or three months ago?

Without a thought, three months ago.

Have you ever kissed someone who's last name started with a C?

Yes.

Will you be up before 7 AM tomorrow?

No. :) I love saying that.

What did you do today?

Nothing. And it's been awesome.

What are you currently looking forward to?

Finishing Anatomy and letting my English book put me to sleep.

Are you satisfied with your life as of now?

Sort of.

What do you carry with you at all times?

Cell phone and my license

Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy?

Yes. It's usually not worth it.

How late did you stay up last night?

2? Possibly 3.

Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts?

Not really...

Kissed anyone with the name starting with a S?

Yes.

How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed?

None actually... Hm that's new.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Most likely not.. Maybe though.

Is anything wrong?

Not at the second.

Did you have a good birthday this year?

Yeah haha. Hannah <3

Do you want to see the movie Paranormal Activity?

That's such a comedy!

What do you want right now?

To sleep.

When you say you don't care do you mean it?

No. Never....

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?

Yes.

Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

No. Probably not again for a long time...

Think of the last person who you said I love you to, did you mean it?

Yes. I love Meghan

In the past week have you smiled?

Of course I have.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you've told everything to?

Shane! Well, almost everything

Is there anyone in your life who has changed your life?

Are you stupid?

Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with the guy/girl you like?

No. Never..

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?

Yes.

Who did you last call?

My doctor's office.

What was on your mind mostly today?

I need to do this! Stop playing around...

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings?

Not really.

Whens the last time you wrote someone a letter?

Last night actually haha.

Is it ever too late to apologize?

Yes, when they're already gone....

Do you believe love lasts forever?

Apparently it doesn't. I was so naive when I was younger... I actually thought it did. Silly girl.

Do you think you'll have a Valentine this year?

Who knows, probably not though. I've never had a Valentine :(

Are you one of those people who are always cold?

Yes!

Are you liking someone at the moment?

I'm trying not to.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money?

No.

What grade is the last person you kissed in?

Graduated... This is clearly a middle school survey.

What's the problem with you and the last person you kissed?

Nothing. He just isn't who I want.

What is the closest thing to you that is blue?

My socks.

Can you commit to one person?

Oh yes, love.

Do you wake up cranky?

Always, haha.

Are you afraid to stay home all alone?

Maybe I was wrong. This is an Elementary aged survey...

Reason for last tear shed?

My ex deleted me on Facebook... So stupid, I know.

Are you wearing a necklace?

No, surprisingly.

Do you still talk to the person you had feelings for 6 months ago?

Not really.

Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed walked out of your life?

Probably not. Haha, I'm such a mean girl.

When did you last take a picture of yourself?

This morning. I take one almost everyday.

Furiosa.

2010-12-13T23:14:00.000-05:00

Estoy agresiva demasiada. La mayoria de las dias quiero te matar. Antes de mi voy a la carcel ayuda me Dios.... Eres inmadurisimo. Mi eliminas cuando luchamos y me pedis cuando platicamos. Haces los huevos por favor.

Crazy People Are Normal People

2010-12-09T22:29:00.002-05:00

One of my good friends, and a person who I can trust to talk to about a lot of things just called me from a mental hospital. I got an instant flashback to my life at the end of September 2009. In my mind, I instantly saw him in his perspective. I saw him sitting there on the bench with the 80s phone with the big curly cord and wearing scrubs.

I almost cried when he told me the day we were supposed to hang out was the day he got admitted. He's got issues that not many people understand, but I try to understand because I'm in a similar boat. He's in a sailboat, I'm in a canoe. I'm bipolar and I tend to be more artistic than others when I take the time. T does awesome things. He has a great mind. He's a beautiful person. I think that people with mental disorders have a mutual understanding. T and I understand each other. I wish we were even closer than we are, but that's hard sometimes.

People with mental disorders are the best artists in my opinion. I don't believe there is an artist out there who isn't a little crazy because that would make them uniform with the "normal" people. What the hell is normal anyway? Who is normal? Artists are just less normal than the "others".

Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear for Pete sake! How is he not a little "abnormal". "Crazy" people are the normal people. We feel emotions deeply and passionately. We let them cycle and make sense of every urge.

I feel for you T. You're a special person in my life and I want you forever. I'll pray for you tonight. God Bless T.H.

Christmas Is Coming!

2010-12-06T20:07:00.000-05:00

Lia and I have been wrapping presents this weekend. I'm so excited for Christmas! Larissa and I just ordered tickets tonight, we're going to Chicago for New Year's! I can't wait for the adventure!

I Want....

2010-12-06T20:04:00.004-05:00

Sad puppy. :(

This is how I study for A&P...

2010-12-05T23:28:00.000-05:00

What are your plans for tomorrow?

School, Practice, Homework, Repeat until Saturday...

How much is everything you're wearing?

About $20, no lie haha.

Does anything hurt on you?

No!

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I don't know

Did you have a good day today?

Work was rocky, but over all yeah!

Is there a girl that knows everything about you?

No.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a D?

Yes.

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?

Not at all.

What's running through your mind right now?

My finger hurts.

Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word?

Not unless I know they're mad.

Where is your cell phone?

To my right.

Will you be up before 7 AM tomorrow?

No. :) Thank you senior privileges.

What shoes did you wear today?

Some old Nikes

Do you like glitter?

Yes!!

Are you currently wearing a shirt with long or short sleeves?

It's like a tank top.

Do you regret anything you've done this year so far?

No. I've learned quite a bit from my mistakes. Every mistake makes me laugh :)

What usually wakes you up in the morning?

Regular alarm, I don't wake to songs.

Is there anyone you'd like to apologize to?

I'm done apologizing over and over to someone unwilling to forgive and I'm unwilling to apologize to someone who "thinks they deserve an apology". Worst thing you can ask me for is an apology...

Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?

Meghan, Larissa, Levi, Brandon, Tricia, Cassi, Delaney, Addy, Tristan, Mike, Bryce, Angela, Britt, Hannah, Shane... Yep. I text a lot haha.

Whats the closest thing to you that's liquid?

Cough medicine

Are your toe nails painted pink?

No, I'm considering doing it!

Are you wearing short shorts?

Nopee.

Ever had a girl best friend?

Four <3

Do you straighten your hair often?

Not really

Does anyone hate you?

You better believe it.

What were you doing an hour ago?

Convincing Bruce to let Larissa to go to Chicago with me and ordering tickets haha.

If you could seek revenge on someone, would you?

Two out of four exes. I'm gonna find you and you're gonna regret everything you did to me someday. I hope you feel guilty for everything you did everday.

Are you excited for Saturday?

Not as excited as I used to be... Now that I think of it, no.

What are you listening to right now?

Showstopper - Danity Kane <3

Are you one of those people who are always cold?

No.

Last thing that you said outloud?

Alright girl, love you.

Do you think this year will be better than the last?

It has been 100x better.

Do you like the rain?

No, it's depressing.

What is the most exciting place you have been to this year?

It's gotta be Chicago. Cancun was just relaxinggg.

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

Tank - Aeropostale

Who was the first person you talked to today?

My father.

If someone is doing something that pisses you off, do you tell them?

Yes, always haha.

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Shut the TV off.

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I wish you were here, thank god for pillows.

How many people are you texting right now?

No one loves me :(

Do you remember who you liked this time three months ago?

Osvaldo Vergara Corro...

Does your phone have to be charged every day?

Yes, I'm addict.

When's the last time you were surprised?

When Larissa got to go with me!!

Did I Just Fill A Plate I Can't Eat?

2010-12-02T20:48:00.000-05:00

I got home from visiting the ex and saw a package on the table. I didn't bother to see who it was from. I saw my name, opened it, and inside was a little card that said "ANNOUNCING". I opened it and it played a little fanfare and said that I got accepted to Husson University!! I started crying tears of joy and told everyone.

I signed up during lunch for a college writing class at a local community college. I took psych 101last spring. It's saved me a couple hundred of dollars.

I started practicing on Monday for skiing. I've ran about 10 miles this week so far.

On Friday I started my first day at work at Sunday River Resort.

I'm considering auditioning for the Spring play.

Oh yeah, and I need to graduate high school, that would be cool.

Oh boy, I need to sleep more if I'm going to survive this winter!

Thanksgiving Break

2010-11-29T18:39:00.000-05:00

Things have been a rush lately. Vacation flew by so fast, the dust is still flying! The only things I feel like I accomplished is a full tummy, long days and nights with friends, and work on the weekend. I had so much fun. I love 17, it's so close to 18.

18 is scary. 18 is adulthood. 18 is able to buy my own prescriptions. 18 is jail if I commit a crime. 18 is buying scratch tickets. 18 is bills. 18 is college.

I'm so stressed with everything. I've recently put a lot on my plate. I've decided to do my last year of skiing despite the fact that I work most of the weekends and take a college class...

Oh boy, here I go.

My girls and I made sweatpants the other night. We're awesome.

Some German Genetics

2010-11-25T23:22:00.001-05:00

I've come to this fine edged conclusion. People either love me or hate me and I'm okay with that. There isn't really an in-between. I won't apologize for saying how I feel, because then I would be a fake person. I will not apologize when begged. I am me. I will not change who I am for someone. I realize I have my faults and I realize that I will change what I want about me. My life is in my hands and no one else's. It is no one else's rights other than my parents, for now, to set rules for me.

Thank you German genetics and good night.

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Haha.

I Blog Surveys Sometimes.

2010-11-22T18:41:00.001-05:00

Why wouldn't I? They show off how I'm feeling, what I'm doing.

Could you handle living with the last boy you texted?

Um, I don't know Brandon very well at all haha we just started texting.

What are you excited for?

GRADUATION.

Have you been to the beach this year?

Legit spent half of summer 2010 on the beach.

How old is the person you're currently interested in?

I don't know who I'm interested in.

Last person you kissed, when did you last see him?

Saturday night.... Why did I go see him..

Last time you cried? Why?

Now. It's complicated.

What are you listening to?

Wisin Y Yandel - Me Estas Tentando

What makes you happy?

Four bests <3

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?

Yes.

Last person you kissed, has he/she seen you at your worst?

Haha, not even close actually.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed?

Um Brandon.

Held hands with anyone in the past month?

Yes, with a few people ahha.

What's the color of your shirt?

Splattered a million colors from homecoming 2010 <3

Would you put your life on the line for anyone?

Yes. Only a few people though.

The last movie you saw?

I don't remember.

Would you rather be loved or love someone?

Be loved.

Who are you closest to in your family?

I don't know.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed?

God, no. Nobody I know does that.

When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong?

Saturday.

How long do you have until your birthday?

Like 3.5 months.. EEEK come now please.

Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?

I'm pretty sure that there is.

Will the next person you kiss be the same person you last kissed?

No, I don't think so. :/

Are there any bruises/cuts on your body?

My ankle is STILL bruised from falling down those stairs like three weeks ago.

How late did you stay up last night?

Kissed someone in the past twenty-four hours?

No.

Last person you had a deep conversation with?

Larissa.

Are you a loud person?

Oh yes darling.

Are you a shy person?

Not at all.

Do you have any saved texts?

No.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Probably my father.

Does it take a lot to make you cry?

Not really.

What do you want for your next birthday?

To go to Canada with my friends :)

Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Many things.

Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired?

Um once. I don't usually do that. I'm the kind of person who's always tired anyway.

If your parents didn't like the person you were dating, would you lose them?

I have before. I did with the last two boyfriends.

How's your heart lately?

How does roadkill look?

How was Saturday night?

OMG!! Can it be relived? Haha.

Will you be in a relationship in 4 months?

Who knowss.

Are you tan?

Yesss and I love it.

Last person you kissed, have you ever worn any of his/her clothing?

Stop friggin talking about him... And yes.

Think a lot before you fall asleep?

Not so much, I just fall asleep ha.

What's your favorite thing to have on your bed?

Pillows. Tons of them.

Do you care what others think about you?

Nope not anymore.

Describe the last situation in which you had to give up on an individual?

When he ignored my phone calls all day...

What are some things that cause you to abandon association with someone?

Probably a fight.

When was the last time you made a new friend?

Saturday night.

What is the most unusual thing within your general vicinity?

This damn poster of myself staring.

What are some things you enjoy that not many others do?

Yoga.

When was the last time you had some sort of a meltdown?

Um, when me and Vinny first broke up...

Are you currently waiting for anything? If so, what?

No.

When was the last time you were surprised by something or someone?

I don't remember.

Do the holidays affect your mood? In what way?

Yeah, I feel closer to people.

Do you think that you will enjoy this upcoming holiday season?

Hopefully.

When was the last time you saw someone about whom you cared?

Today. Love my best friends. <3

Is there anyone with whom you wish you could hang out?

Yes, m'am.

What is it that is preventing you from being in the company of that person?

Miles of road?

What are some things that you like to do with your spare time?

Hang out with friends, be crazy, go out.

When was the last time you were super busy?

Umm, last Friday.

Would you prefer to have a full schedule, or a lot of free time?

Can I have a happy medium please, and a side of fries.

Is camping an activity that you enjoy? How about hiking?

Haha I love camping and hiking kicks my butt but it's fun!

What is one thing that you would want to change about yourself?

I'm selfish & inconsiderate.

Do you find it uncomfortable to think about changing who you are?

No.

Has anyone ever requested that you change for them?

Haha, yes and it's not happening.

When was the last time you went out somewhere by yourself?

A couple days ago.

How about the last time you went somewhere with a group of people?

Today. I'm always with my girls haha.

Do you prefer social or solitary situations more, or does it depend?

Social.

What is one routine you perform daily?

Showering?

What is one way in which you waste time?

Facebook haha.

What is a quality someone might not assume you have?

I can be quiet.

What was the last thing you did that was healthy?

I ate some Cheerios and lowered my cholesterol.

What was the last thing you did that could harm your health?

Drove? hahahaha.

Do you enjoy shopping for groceries?

Nope.

Do you remember most of your past Halloween costumes?

Only a few. I don't really dress up. This year was an exception..

What was the last thing to inspire or motivate you to do something?

I don't remember hahaha.

Do you enjoy the transformation of leaves in autumn?

It's already.

Is snow a form of weather you appreciate?

It's depressing as helllll.

Who was the last individual to offend you or hurt your feelings?

Hm my father.

What is something someone could say to make you feel like crap?

I don't really know? haha.

Have you accomplished anything of which you should be proud?

Yes I have.

What was the last thing about which you complained?

Probably about being over hyper.

How do you feel when you hear other people complaining?

Eh, I can tune it out.

I love Meg. <3 ahha.

Ohh Na Na Rihanna.

2010-11-17T16:21:00.000-05:00

Rihanna's new album is the dog's bark. I adore every song on there and I've been listening to it not stop since it came out yesterday morning.

Everyone should check this out it's such a fun album, yet it has its serious lyrics.

Angst About Blood Drives and Don't Ask Don't Tell

2010-11-16T11:45:00.000-05:00

Here’s some teen angst, please don’t be offended...

I attempted to donate blood at my high school today. In my opinion, donating blood is one of the best forms of community service which one can do. It saves lives and for that reason should make any donor proud of their gift. There are plenty of things which bother me about their process...

• The first question they ask you is if you are hispanic.. Why should it matter if one is hispanic? That person is most likely donating as an American citizen and if they are of high school age, they are most likely a natural born citizen. The fact that they judge a person by their heritage like that is ridiculous.

• Why does it matter if a man has had sexual relations with another man. There are more and more gay people in our population than there have ever been!! This is, in my belief caused from a hormone put into chickens to buff them up (a reason to be a vegetarian)! Gay men have been in the past known to pass on HIV/AIDS, but it does not mean that every gay man has the disease. That is just ignorant.

• The reason why I’m bummed is because I traveled to a “malaria region” in Cancun, Mexico. I went to a historical region of the city. Why should I get punished for viewing a 7th world wonder (Chichen Itza)? I understand that malaria is a concern, but I got a phone call last night from my doctor who cleared me completely on the matter from a blood test taken one week ago.

Please Red Cross, let’s let gay men donate, let’s let hispanics donate, and be more lenient on people’s travels. YOU TEST YOUR BLOOD FOR ALL OF THIS STUFF LATER ANYWAY! Or do you........

P.S. The government needs to DROP the don’t ask don’t tell policy. If a man wants to be gay in the millitary, allow him to have his sexual and civil rights. What the heck is wrong with you. This is why I do not like you John McCain. Don’t ever attempt to be president again. I would rather chop off my foot than to vote for you.

Love Jill.

Senior Photos

2010-11-13T14:19:00.001-05:00

Laurie Barnett is awesome. We spent a day in the fall at Bailey Island, Maine shooting. She took more than 500 pictures of me and spent a lot of time putting together my proof book. I got two huge albums!

My photos came out awesome. My father bought a huge framed shot. This one:

Click

This was one of the wallets:

Click

And I got an 8x10 of this one:

Click

On the Down Side...

2010-11-09T20:23:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when everything is beautiful and nothing hurts, the triple toughies come back and bite you. I've had about a month of perfect and in the last week everything has just shattered. Life just sucks sometimes.

I am in love. I'm trying not to be vulnerable like the other two times when horrible things happened, but this time it's hard. The lyrics of this song touch my heart and remind me of him. He's wonderful and quite frankly, he's keeping me out of a depression right now.

Recientamente en La Vida

2010-10-26T00:08:00.000-04:00

¡La vida es increíble recientamente! Nunca más no estoy con Osvaldo pero es bien porque tengo el novio nuevo y las amigas buenas quien estan divertidas. Mucho me encanta la vida. En la escuela no tengo la tarea retrasada. Hago el ensayo para la universidad solamente. La cosa mejor de Cancún es aprendo las frases muchas en español.

Lo amo a Vincent :) ¡¡¡Estoy enamorado y eso es el sentimiento mágico!!!!

Don't Go Knockin' On My Door

2010-10-01T07:25:00.000-04:00

I hate being played more than anything. Too bad that I blew $700 on you, asshole.

I'm Not Afraid To Take A Stand

2010-09-18T13:01:00.001-04:00

I've been crazy busy. Aside from being with friends everyday, I've been busting my butt to keep on top of things senior year. My GPA is an 88 because of stupid decisions last year and I refuse to let that happen this year. I'm no lifeing it tonight (for most of it) and getting some stuff done. The anatomy & physiology test is scaring the poop out of me and I need to start hitting the books for that.

Em's been inspirational. This song makes me headstrong when everything's wrong. Love this song.

Since I've Been Home

2010-09-09T16:26:00.000-04:00

I've made sure to rebuild broken bridges since I've been home.

I took my senior pictures on the drop dead BEAUTIFUL Bailey's Island on the coast of Maine.

I had many, many laughs with long lost best friends.

I hosted the first dance of the year.

I hung out with my grandfather.

So much is happening and the work is piled up. I've been pretty non-stop since I've been back in Maine. Senior year is starting off amazing. There is never a dull moment when I'm with my friends and family. I've been applying to colleges and job hunting. I've been doing all of this looking FABULOUS.

Chicago 2010

2010-08-23T11:23:00.004-04:00

Fabulosity. Originally uploaded by Jilly2011

Click on the photo to read the caption. ♥

Un hombre sin techo.

I spent a few days just roaming around town with Ty (a friend from Maine who was just coincidentally in Chicago too). There were many homeless people. I feel bad for these people. Some of them are truly hopeless and surely suffer from forms of depression and have their stories to tell.

Lollapalooza 2.010 en la noche.

I went to a Lady Gaga concert with Ty. It was a once in a lifetime event. We didn't even plan on going, but we ended up last minute buying tickets and running to the show. By the time we got there, the skyline and people just were overwhelming and Gaga didn't even come out on stage yet. As usual, she had multiple surprises up her sleeve. Ty put me on his shoulders so I could hopefully see better, and I almost fell into the crowd.

Una pareja bailando.

Filipinos stick together in this city. They have huge parties where a couple hundred of people of Filipino descent come and have a giant picnic with dancing, vollyball, and pig roasts (ew).

La playa Foster de la cuidad.

Foster beach was one of my main spots to be. I spent a few nights here with M.D. and her friends. I laid out for days to keep up with my addiction to the sun.

La familia.

I met Kev's family and friends at his father's life celebration/memorial thingy.We spent the afternoon eating pizza and drinking soda (his favorite foods) and talking about the memories that the family shared with him. It was nice. Wakes are so depressing. This was a celebration of his life. It's a good idea actually.

Estamos preparado a ir bailar.

I went dancing with M.D. and her friends. It was a party unlike any other that I've been to. Reggaeton and hip-hop playing the whole time, Hispanic people and African Americans all over the place bailando. It's the dance party I'd been waiting for all summer.

Una niña miramiento a un pollito incubando.

I went to the Museum of Science and Industry and the Art Institute of Chicago. They are both extremely large and fascinating museums.

Adicto.

My tanning addiction this summer is most likely going to give me cancer before I'm 40, but what they hay I'm 17, I'm gonna get DARKKKKKKKKK.

Like You'll Never See Me Again

2010-08-17T14:13:00.001-04:00

This one's for the lucky ones and the lovers. ♥

I've Been Singing Quite a Bit Lately.

2010-08-15T15:49:00.000-04:00

Ropas Tradicionales

2010-08-02T20:39:00.003-04:00

Ropas Tradicionales,
originally uploaded by Jilly2011.

My spanish teacher was right, the only way to truly know a culture is to live in it for a while. For one month, I lived in the residential area of Cancun, Mexico. Everything was so different. For a while, it felt like I was lost in a vortex, in a new world, but after a few days I grew semi accustomed to things. First off, people drive LOCO. There are pretty much no laws that concern driver's protection. It's pretty much control where you hit traffic with horns and drive fast when there are no cars. Every time I got in a car, I prayed. I really prayed.

The Real Cancun

2010-07-06T11:28:00.000-04:00

I love everything about Cancun, the real Cancun. His family is precious, so dear to me. I will cry so bad when I have to leave him. I can honestly say that I´m in love. I realized it lastnight when he and I were on a bus coming home from the mall. I realized that in a little more than two weeks, I will have to leave him and I just started crying. We cried until we fell asleep as we talked about the future plans of our oh so different lives. This may be the last time we are together, and it kills.

It was a culture shock when I first arrived and I´ve been keeping a journal and working on a blog (on my Macbook) about every day that I am here. I´ve taken so many pictures, hundreds. I feel like my english is getting increasingly worse as I learn new words and phrases in spanish everyday.

I miss my father and my friends I think about them all daily as I do things that remind me of them. I get calls from Mom every few days and Dad has called once. I can´t call or text or get on facebook. Í´m going a little nuts in that department.

Countdown

2010-06-21T15:06:00.000-04:00

The last few days have been great. I've taken turns spending time with different true friends. I haven't wasted a second on the fake people of this town. I've got until Thursday, three more days. These are going to be committed mostly to my father. I know how much this move is hurting him and I just want him to know how much I do love him.

Give Life a Shot by ~jillydear on deviant ART

Random Photos

2010-06-16T17:51:00.000-04:00

Here are some random recent memories. ♥

Big Push

2010-06-16T17:44:00.000-04:00

It's starting to push towards moving day. M and F are off to the Philippines tomorrow and I've got one week left after today until I head to Cancún. My father and I are getting along a little better and he's helping me get things moving. I'm cleaning my room up even more. I got rid of the huge, ugly folding wooden piece of crap that I adored because it was the first wood working piece that I created successfully. It's kindling now. I'm trying to find Ossie a new home. If anyone is interested, leave a comment.

School is OVER and I am more than thrilled. I ran out whooping with joy and ran right down to chop the hair at Mrs. T's. It's my last time visiting her, a little sad.

Tricia and Brooke are on their way over. It'll hopefully be a nice girl's night, one of the last ones for a while. I've gotta spend time with my best friends, not fake ones. I can smell a fake girl miles away.

Peace, ♥, and kisses.

The Poor Gulf

2010-06-14T17:37:00.000-04:00

This photo is from the Big Picture. This photo is from their photo story Scenes from the Gulf of Mexico from Friday. This photo is of a dead turtle in the Gulf of Mexico near Louisiana as a result of the monstrous oil spill that is still gushing the gallons out of that blasted pipe. These photos make me cringe, they make me tear up, they make me feel hopeless. Where do we go from here? The Gulf of Mexico will be heavily polluted for years to come, and it's only getting worse.

BP is out of business, period. And I'm having a mini fiesta in my head because of it. I want the big boys of that company to drown in their own spill. They have killed thousands of innocent animals and almost a dozen people! I am so sick of this! On top of the international fighting, the crimes, the greed, and the lies, this has to happen. I should've blogged about this earlier, but I am seeing that this mess is only getting messier and I'm sick and tired of it! Come on president, let's stop this crap and maybe save the oceans from being oil infested? That would be awesome!!! I had so much hope in you Obama...

Butterfly Season!

2010-06-04T23:54:00.000-04:00

Butterfly by ~jillydear on deviant ART

It's been butterfly season lately! I've seen them everywhere driving around with friends and I think, unfortunately I might have hit a couple. Butterflies represent Larissa and my friendship. The other day at Three Pools, we saw a swarm of butterflies on an old dirty sock. Summer is almost here!

School is Ending, QUICK

2010-06-03T14:01:00.003-04:00

I've actually got a lot of work done today. I've pretty near finished my photojournalism final . I'm working on the table of contents for the magazine we're creating. I just completed my APUSH final assignment. I think my mini report on Frank Sinatra is pretty pro. I've just got to do one more essay in that class and I'll be done. My english essay is pretty near done.

In Algebra 3, I doubt I'll even get the credit, but whatever. I understand what we're doing right now, so it's alright. Mi final de la clase de español es facil. In biology I've got a couple worksheets to color, but that will take like 20 minutes.

I'd say that this school year is narrowing down pretty quick and it couldn't end sooner! Everyone is getting very grumpy, especially the teachers. It's time for SUMMER! I'm glad I've got more than a week after school gets out. It'll give me some last minutes with best friends. Then I'm off to Cancún with the beloved Tricia. I'm so so pumped!! There's nothing but blue skies from here!

The Countdown

2010-06-02T20:15:00.000-04:00

The Lone Tear by ~jillydear on deviant ART

I did some shots of water yesterday. I don't know how good they are, but I'm just a beginner again.

I'll be shooting everything with my Sony DSC-W120 from now on because the Caso EX-Z80 has officially crapped the bed.

These are the last days with my Han Ban. <3 I plan on Old Orchard (again) with her soon enough! We MUST go before the great escape!

This was from Spanish today. No one felt like working and Justin was more than happy to shoot a few silly pictures.

22 days and counting....

A Beach Day

2010-05-31T09:26:00.001-04:00

I went to Old Orchard on Saturday with two of the best people in the world. We did some swimming, went to the mall, and visited for the evening (110, wreaths, and mailboxes ♥). I'm going to miss both of them so much.

29 Days

2010-05-25T20:02:00.000-04:00

It’s been quite the time for me lately. I’ve decided to move to Chicago where I hope to open new doors to new opportunities and experience a whole new environment. I’m more than ready to be in a large city even if it’s just for a year. I love Maine. I love my father more than life itself, but I’m not happy in this town; it’s plain and simple. I’ve got to Fed-Ex my things to the city and pack for Cancun. That is on my to do list, but it’s sort of on the back burner.

Virgin Strawberry Daiquiris by ~jillydear on deviant ART

I pray that Cancun will be as much of a dream as it was in April. I text Osualdo every day. I tell him things that are going on and I’m slowly learning a lot more Spanish because of it. Tricia is just as excited as I am to hop on that plane and get out of here for a while. We’ve got less than a month until we leave and I’ve still got a lot to do.

My main priority right now is school, (obviously) but when I’m not hitting the books, I’m either hitting up Coos Canyon or doing other fun things with friends. I want to live this month in laughter and smiles, not in concern of what the haters are saying or the gossip of the town. I’m doin’ my own thing with my beloved friends. I’ll be gone for a while, but I’ll be back.

The last weekend was the most random weekend of my life. I went swimming at least twice a day, drove alllll over this area, went camping, went tanning, and played some sports with random kids. I did all of this with Larissa. We never get bored with eachother. Hannah and I are hoping to spend the weekend together.

Bring on the good times. I’ve got 29 days to do what I could do in a Maine summer. It’s going to be a good 29 days, I can feel it.

Hiking White Cap

2010-05-22T21:33:00.000-04:00

It's the first time I'd been hiking in MANY years. Even though my buns and thighs are killing right now, I'm so glad I went.

Giving a friend a lift.

♥

Distance & Time

2010-05-16T20:12:00.002-04:00

"You are always on my mind

All I do is count the days

Where are you now?

I know I never let you down

I will never go away"

-Alicia Keys

I miss the beach,

I miss the weather,

I miss the boyy,

I misssss Cancún.

Soon enough, though, I'll be back with Tricia to stir some stew.

Baby I'm Back!

2010-05-06T18:58:00.000-04:00

Just a couple of shots I took today. I'm back in the photographing mood. :)

Crazy Weather by ~jillydear on deviant ART

On to the Next One by ~jillydear on deviant ART

The Trouble With the Internet

2010-05-05T16:17:00.000-04:00

The personal computer was invented to make the lives of people easier. In many ways, it's amazing. You can get information from around the world in the blink of an eye. You can design your house, file your "papers", and even pick up a dress from Australia that you've been wanting for months.. ;)

These things are great, but they get taken advantage of. You can find a website out there for anything, and I mean anything. Sometimes it goes too far. The websites that addict people are just too much. Facebook for me has taken up a good part of my life. When I was younger I used to go out and play after I got home from school, but now I just come home and check my Facebook. I find myself updating things that I don't necessarily want the whole world knowing. Today I have deactivated my account.

I want to get back outside doing things. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to censor my personal life, I want it back! I want to be able to live without Facebook. It's nice to catch up with old friends and distant family, but when the place you live in can see everything, that's never good, especially with the population and the boring environment of this town.

My blog, as you noticed is private also. If you are even able to read this post, consider yourself lucky. I've had far too many people read this blog just to find material to gossip about. I've narrowed my readers to ten; ten people who I find trustworthy and interested enough to read what is on my mind.

Thank you readers. I love you all. :)

Sleeping Beauty

2010-05-04T18:47:00.003-04:00

Sleeping Beauty by ~jillydear on deviant ART

She's my little babyyyy. <3 Having her makes me not miss Osualdo so bad, but every time I say her name I think of him and smile. Oh Cancun, I'll be there soon!

Random Drives

2010-05-03T19:47:00.000-04:00

Fun times up at Coos Canyon!! So many more to come I hope!

Ketchup

2010-05-02T18:33:00.004-04:00

Friday, I spent the afternoon in Rumf. with my long lost friend Brooke. We had a nice afternoon catching up at Dunkin's and walking all around. We explored, we laughed, we were loud, we were Brooke and Jilly again. :) I've missed that.

We also met up with T and Ian at the falls and did some exploring.

Ossie!

2010-05-02T05:43:00.002-04:00

Yesterday while I was driving through Jay with Allie, we saw this sign that said "Free Kittens" on it. We figured we'd stop just to see the little ones and play with them. This little girl was the only one left and I could NOT resist. I took her up immediately and went to Auburn. We shopped for a couple hours with her right in my arms. I named her Ossie and if you knew me very well at all, I think you'd know why.

She's been up playing all night and I'm exhausted from watching her. It's hard to sleep with a little cutie attacking your feet. ^_^

The Stress of Finding Religion

2010-04-28T18:11:00.002-04:00

the stress of finding religion, originally uploaded by The Searcher.

Here's my life for this week:

Photoshoot for senior pictures
Making up days of APUSH
Studying for SATs D:
Studying for AP exams
Prom decorations

Oh dear. My stress-o-meter's going OFF the charts!! When Prom is over, I can finally focus on earning some money to go see the "husband". :)

Thanks Em

2010-04-26T20:18:00.000-04:00

Em got me this anklet while she was in la Republica Dominicana. ♥ It definitely made my morning.

Thanks Em by ~jillydear on deviant ART

They had a good time. Their stories are here and there. I would've gone, but some things came up and I went to Cancun instead. It was kinda destined to happen I guess because something really good came out of a bad situation. Thank you God. ♥

Chichen Itza

2010-04-25T16:21:00.000-04:00

I've Got a Feeling by ~jillydear on deviant ART

The Village of Chichen Itza by ~jillydear on deviant ART

Don't Get a Big Head by ~jillydear on deviant ART

Mayan Souvenir by ~jillydear on deviant ART

¡Te AMO Cancún!

2010-04-23T15:38:00.002-04:00

Cancun was absolutely a dream. :) It was the absolutely perfect vacation and I will always have wonderful memories of that city. I plan on going back in June

Trabajan by ~jillydear on deviant ART
This was the first thing I saw when I arrived in Cancun.

The Man by ~jillydear on deviant ART
This guy was cleaning up the seaweed of the beach with his giant tractor. This reminded me of Maine.

Te Amo Cancun by ~jillydear on deviant ART
The view from the beach is breathtaking, but I went parasailing on the last day I was there, and I regret not taking my camera up there because the view was exactly like seeing an aeroshot.

Lazy Daze by ~jillydear on deviant ART
The mini marinas hold funny memories.

My Cancun Husband by ~jillydear on deviant ART
My father arranged this "marriage". He went up to him, shook his hand, and asked if he was married. When he said no, my father asked if he wanted to marry me. My father's joke backfired because that icebreaker made us open up and start talking. After spending a great day with him, I wanted to spend every moment with him and that's exactly what I did. I fell for him over the week. He's the perfect gentleman and he cried when I left. He's the main reason I want to return to Cancun.

Cancun!!!

2010-04-14T19:41:00.000-04:00

Who wants to come with me to Cancun?!
I'm peacin' out for a week. I MIGHT be blogging, it depends on the wifi abilities there.

Bipolar

2010-04-13T21:38:00.002-04:00

Bipolar, originally uploaded by -kirra-.

Welcome to my life. This is my diagnosis.

How to Do the Perfect Manicure!

2010-04-11T18:28:00.000-04:00

I had the most fun with this photojournalism assignment! It took me a week to decide what to do it on. I was going to teach people how to cook something, but that would be a bad idea considering my horrific cooking skills. I think that being amazing at nails runs in the family.

Step One: Gather All the Materials You Need (Nail polish remover, a cotton ball, clippers, a file, a buffer, base coat, your choice of color, and top coat.)

Step Two: Make Sure Your Nails Are Clean (Use the cotton ball and polish remover to rid any oils or old polish.)

Step Three: Clip Your Nails a Bit (Use the clippers to trip your nails to the desired length.)

Step Four: Buff Them (Use a buffer to smooth nails and make them stronger.)

Step Five: File Those Babies (Make the ends nice and smooth by filing your nails!)

Step Six: Add the Base Coat (This keeps the polish from damaging your nails and makes the nails stronger.)

Step Seven: Wait For Nails to Dry (Read a book or something!)

Step Eight: Color Me Happy! (Add two layers of your polish.)

Step Nine: Wait Again (This may take a while.)

Step Ten: Apply the Top Coat (This keeps your manicure looking gorgeous.)

TA DAH! Look how beautiful they look!

Coos Jump

2010-04-10T20:36:00.001-04:00

People told me I wouldn't do, people told me I shouldn't do it. But I did it. I believe that L.B., C.B., J.W., and I were the first people to jump off of Coos Canyon this year. I came up with the idea on Monday. My status on Facebook was "Like this if you're down for COOS CANYON on Friday". There were many "likes" but I wondered how many would actually go. Friday, after school I rounded up some people who were actually going.

We hopped in a car (there were six of us) and headed up to the river. We were more than pumped all the way up there.

I jumped in soon after C.B and was going again with L.B. J.W was being a woos and I started taunting him a little, I knew he would be the one least likely to go in. L.B went in and J.W jumped a few seconds later. I wanted for it to be less congested and I jumped a second time. The was was bitter. Within seconds of being in the water, we froze. My second jump was scary. If L.B didn't grab my hand, I would've kept going down the Swift River.

Directly after the jumps, L.B, C.B, and I posed for this picture and we ran to the car to get changed into something much dryer.

We took some back road and ended up in Carthage somehow. I thought we were going to crash multiples times.

I love Coos! I plan to be up there many times this summer!

I Want to be Depressed

2010-04-06T23:18:00.005-04:00

This essay is rather personal. I wrote this back in November after I was in the mental hospital. This was a way of transitioning and coping with everything that was happening. I wrote this essay as a replica of Judy Brady's I Want A Wife. This kind of essay is a way of ridding stereotypes and share what really occurs. (I don't really want to be depressed, I'm stating what occurred.)

Please, this is copyrighted, do not take any part of this essay. I'm posting this to share a small percentage of what I went through. I have the strength to publicly share a small portion of my past, please respect that.

I Want to be Depressed

Jill Schnorr

Millions of people are diagnosed daily with depression. Their families, friends, and co-workers usually notice symptoms such as reclusion, a change in eating and sleeping habits, and a short fuse. Many of them inflict harm upon themselves and get to the point of committing suicide. Others suffer their entire lives. However, some victims of depression fight against the storm and make it through to clear skies. Judy Brady wrote an essay called “I Want A Wife”. She was a housewife who described her lifestyle by exemplifying a day in her life. I am about to tell you my story, I am a survivor of clinical depression.

After I left the hospital, I was asked daily, “Why are you depressed” and “Why didn’t you ask me for help?” Quite frankly, I don’t know what or when exactly it all started. I’ve never had a hard life, and I’ve always been overemotional and overdramatic. It’s been a way to cover it up. I never asked anyone for help because I never thought I needed it. Depression has always been a part of me.

Many specific, terrifying events have occurred in my lifetime. They have built up for sixteen years and eventually I broke down. Depression has affected me, my friends, my family, and my father’s financial status. I spent an entire summer in solitary. I slept half of the time and cried the other half. Why wouldn’t I want to be depressed?

I want to be a living victim of depression. Every morning, I want to wake up to a beautiful day and seeing it as a tornado. I want to think negatively about everything. I want to have a false impression of my friends. I want to think that they hate me because they are too busy with their own lives to realize that I am hurting. I want to perceive my life in a constant black hole with no way back to the light.

I want to conceal my true feelings. When I look in the the mirror, I want to lie to myself that everything is just fine. I want to tell the people in my community that I am content when I am really the exact opposite. I want to achieve academic success so that teachers will assume that there is nothing wrong. I want to convince my father that I am happy so that his lifespan will be longer.

I want to live my life as Jay Gatspy did. I want to reminisce to the day when I got mistreated by that one boyfriend. I want my privacy to be violated by an old man. I want those men to hurt me so that I will have nightmares for years to come. I want my stepmother to harass that nine year old me on a daily basis. I want my father to buy me the world so he won’t have to pay attention to my emotional needs.

When I finally hit rock bottom, I want to make two suicide attempts and tell no one but my best friends. I want to go to a mental hospital when my secret is finally unraveled. I want to be watched twenty-four hours a day by nurses and doctors whom I don’t know. I want to be away from my friends during my junior homecoming. I want to see the suffering that the other teenagers in the hospital are going through. I want to be on a strict schedule that controls my eating and sleeping habits. I want to feel like a guinea pig tested in a lab.

I want to be on medicines so that I have some hope of feeling happy. I want my hands to shake all the time because of a side effect so that I cannot perform regular motor activities. When I forget to take my medicines, I want to feel withdrawals and cry because of it. If I overdose, I want to see hallucinations that scare me back into the asylum.

Even though I suffered all of these tragedies, how did I ever overcome the negatives? Through faith, hope, and love; one can conquer all. Since I went through this hell, I’ve attended my church weekly, I’ve prayed daily, and I tell the people who I love how much they are worth to me. The strong can only make it through this, and I am proud to say that I am a strong survivor.

Self Reflection

2010-04-05T14:31:00.002-04:00

Self Reflection, originally uploaded by jollyjilly.

I've had an entire week to think about my life. (Well, maybe not the entire week. I've spent a good portion of that making up work that I've missed.) I've got away with a lot of things over the past few months; things that I thought people would never find out about, but it finally added up.

The "incident" may not be 100% my fault, but it was definitely a wake up call. I see most of the people who I used to surround myself with going no where soon in life. My best friends are classy, polite, and successful. They are going to do something with their lives. Right now I lean on them for guidance and I thank them for talking to me every day this week, even if it's just to say they miss me.

These are the kinds of people I live for. I live for the family that I have, even if they aren't perfect. I'm thankful for their punishments and cruelty because I know they are just trying to shape me into a better person.

I will be better. I know I always say this, but it's because I really do try all the time to be better. I'm never good enough.

Sibling Love

2010-04-04T22:15:00.003-04:00

Sibling Love, originally uploaded by jollyjilly.

While I was bottle feeding a couple of the younger lambs, I noticed these two in the corner taking a little breather. I shot at them for a good five minutes. Their charisma was amazing. I believe my sister told me they are twins.

WARNING: This Post Is For Extreme Animal Lovers

2010-04-02T18:26:00.001-04:00

Are Fish Prostitutes by ~jillydear on deviant ART

Are fish prostitutes? I don't understand it. If people want to look at fish so much, they should go scuba diving in the tropics (THEiR NATURAL ENViRONMENT) and take a look for themselves. After people buy their fish, they admire them for a day, and are left in a confined little space. People get bored of feeding them and at times can't wait until they die so that they no longer have to feed them anymore.

Seriously, leave them in their natural setting!

I can't even go fishing for recreation. I can't even imagine killing a harmless fish. Let nature take it's part. We as humans should leave the animals alone.

Purple Dew

2010-04-02T16:09:00.002-04:00

Purple Dew, originally uploaded by jollyjilly.

This picture was taken about two years ago right next to my bedroom window. It's almost time for these lovelies to come out once again! I'm loving this change of season!! Today was the first day I opened the window to the smell of spring. I get that familiar thrill of fresh air and it has an underestimated way of lifting my spirits to unimaginable levels!

Baby Girl (:

2010-04-01T21:44:00.003-04:00

Baby chen, originally uploaded by spyxez_hype.

How could anybody not fall in love with a little princess like this one? I've been thinking about this quite a bit today when I was lounging in the sun doing homework. I've known since about 7th grade that I never want to have kids. It wasn't until this year that I decided I don't want to have children, naturally.

When you consider the world's colossal population and think about the children who have been starving, personally it seems kind of selfish to not care for them. I've decided that when I get older, when the time is right and I'm ready to settle a little, I would like to adopt a Filipino baby. There are so many children in 3rd world countries starving. Recently the Haiti earthquake has drawn attention to those orphaned children. In a way, the disaster was a blessing in disguise for those children.

I've got big plans and nothing's holding me back from them from now on!

Mi Diario

2010-03-30T15:09:00.002-04:00

Journalist by ~jillydear on deviant ART
Mi diario will help me get through this week. I've got a lot of anger built up. This is the healthiest way I can think of to get it out. I need my resilience. I can't be the person I was a year ago, nor do I want to be. Last year was when Nathan was in my life and what began this hard journey. That boy has affected me in ways that I wish he could pay for.

I will be better. This week will allow me to grow and catch up on so much that I've missed.

Boston 2010: College Tours

2010-03-28T14:57:00.003-04:00

Boston was an experience I won't be forgetting anytime soon. I saw so many things that I've never experienced before. From riding on a train, to subways, to so many colleges; it was all amazing.

Cross Roads by ~jillydear on deviant ART

I Think I'll Go to Boston by ~jillydear on deviant ART

New England Holocaust Memorial by ~jillydear on deviant ART
This is a memorial for all of the people who died during WWI during the Holocaust.

The Break Dancer by jillydear
After we toured Northeasten University, we went to Quincy Market. There were 5 guys break dancing for a crowd of about 100 people. They claimed they were going to jump over 3 and 1/2 people and sent a bucket around for donations. Some people put in $20's and they never ended up doing their stunt. Can you say a massive win?! I wonder how much money they made.

Rainy Daze by ~jillydear on deviant ART
The second day was really crappy in the morning. Most of us toured Wheelock College with umbrellas.

Brookline Ave by ~jillydear on deviant ART
This was taken after we toured Wheelock College.

Late For Class by ~jillydear on deviant ART
This was just a random photojournalism shot.

Emmanuel Chapel by ~jillydear on deviant ART
This was a gorgeous chapel that the college had. The tour guide claimed she didn't even know it was a Catholic college when she applied.

Glass Blowing by ~jillydear on deviant ART
This was at the Massachusetts College of Art and Design. The men were helping a student finish up a project on a Friday.

Explanation by ~jillydear on deviant ART
This was our tour guide at Massachusetts College of Art and Design.

The Lovely Bones by jillydear
I believe this lady was reading a book while waiting for someone. I don't believe she was a part of the homeless population.. I wonder what she's reading.

Kudos to Originality

2010-03-24T00:02:00.002-04:00

Classy by ~jillydear on deviant ART
This girl is in my photojournalism class. She always wears the cutest shoes of anyone at our school. She gets many compliments on her fashion in shoes. Kudos to A.M. for her originality in a sea of grey. Let's make this world less grey!

T.T. is another person who is original in the way she dresses. Both her and A.M. are trend setters. People actually get influenced by the ways they dress. Kudos to T.T too.

My six months are officially up today. I can now legally drive others in my car with me. (: I drive better with people with me, honestly.

Este Ojo es Suerte

2010-03-16T21:13:00.000-04:00

Ojo by ~jillydear on deviant ART

This eye has seen more than most 17 years olds. It's cried more tears than most. It's twinkled at the thought of something special. It's bears many secrets that it will never reveal. It's portrayed every emotion humanly possible. This eye is special. It's truly the window to my soul. It's also the only good one I have. The other one's rather lazy, a couch potato.

This eye will make it through every struggle. This eye will continue to open each passing day with the notion that this could be its final day. It will be strong. It will continue to see parts of the world most don't. It will realize how lucky it is. It will read every page of every book and scan the world's wonders. This is one lucky eye.

Marilyn Never Ceases to Amaze Me

2010-03-14T14:55:00.000-04:00

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

— Marilyn Monroe

Orono

2010-03-13T12:43:00.005-05:00

NHS spent the last couple days in Orono for Maine's convention. These are just a couple pictures I took at UMaine. UMO's got a hugee, gorgeous campus, but I don't think it's a school I'd want to go to.

Orono, originally uploaded by jollyjilly.

Beck by ~jillydear on deviant ART

Orono by ~jillydear on deviant ART

Spring Is On Its Way

2010-03-08T19:06:00.004-05:00

A Transition by ~jillydear on deviant ART

I can always tell when spring is on the verge. It's that first day when you walk around without shoes on the cleared pavement. That day without a jacket. That day when you take the shades out and drive around the town with the windows down blasting music. It's that day when you realize that the depression is over and soon the green grass will be showing and the birds will be singing. Everything is going to be happier.

I've also realized that a lot of the things I've been doing I don't need in my life. I'm quitting cold turkey and moving on. I've got too much on my plate for one mistake to ruin it.

My to do list?
• Get school work made up
• Bring the Algebra III grade
• Have a successful, fun trip to Boston
• Gather things for my Dominican Republic trip (clothes, shoes, judo uniform, school supplies)
• Keep Interact together
• Gather things for prom (dress, decorations, shoes, jewelry)

Dinner With the Family

2010-03-08T18:47:00.000-05:00

Friday night was the first time in a long time my father's had dinner with his daughter Lynn. It was so nice to see them sitting down peacefully to a full table of family and work things out. I've been trying for months to fix things between them. I'm so blessed and grateful that they have worked out differences. These are pictures from the night.

Sid, Sis, and Chuck by ~jillydear on deviant ART
Lynn and Sid are so cute together. Sid is very respectful.

Ming by ~jillydear on deviant ART
He's got a little bit of a sweet tooth

Poor Sid by ~jillydear on deviant ART
She gave up sweets for Lent so instead of getting a big desert like Ming, she could only have hot chocolate.

Dad Paying The Bill by ~jillydear on deviant ART

This Semester's Gonna Kick My Butt...

2010-03-02T23:18:00.000-05:00

This is my schedule so far for the next couple months. I looked at these calendars and instantly burst into tears. This semester is going to be so difficult. I don't even know how I'm gonna do it. I need to say a prayer and get some sleep. I feel sick. I don't know how I'll be donating blood tomorrow.

Click the pictures to see them larger.

Saturday Night

2010-02-28T14:01:00.002-05:00

Last night was one of the best nights I've had in a while. I pretty much knew when the night started that it was gonna be a good one, but just not in the ways I expected. I made a shirt for the states game I was going to (which we lost by the way, but I didn't let it ruin my night).

Then I tried a whole new hairstyle. I cut my bangs a little and made myself a hair style that people say makes me look like Lady Gaga.

From the time I left Dixfield until Augusta was a goood time. The snow was falling like crazy but after I slowed down and put all my attention on the road, we were good. I went to the game and had fun cheering on my school. The boys were crazzzzzzy. They went all out.

After the game, we hung out with Jillian a little. I haven't seen her in months.

We stopped at a gas station and blasted "Stanky Leg". That's what I was dancing to in the picture.

In Livermore, we got stuck in a snowbank because the roads were murder. Nice Mainers stopped (as they always do when i get stuck) and helped us out as much as they could.

I called AAA to come get us out, but some guy in a truck came and helped us out.

After this, we passed the AAA guys and they had to help me get my car out of 4WD. They were cutiesss! We picked up hitchhikers in Jay and brought them to Hannaford. Then snowmobiled (yes I say snowmobiled because the roads were really that bad) on home.

Follow Me!

2010-02-26T08:40:00.001-05:00

The Start of Something New

2010-02-25T18:40:00.000-05:00

Last month, I pulled off the January paper from my desktop calendar, turned it over and started drawing out emotions and adjectives on the back that I feel that I don't receive enough. I made this poster because I was very insecure. This represents all sorts of family issues and personal insecurities.

Feelings and More Feelings by ~jillydear on deviant ART

As I was listening to Mark play beautiful music on guitar, I decided to do my second poster of the year, on the back of February. I drew out hands and wrote "Each pair of hands has its stories to tell".

Stories To Tell by ~jillydear on deviant ART

I've decided that this is going to be a monthly tradition that I do. Each month I will draw something on the back of my calendars to represent my general emotion. I will post each picture on here and by the end I will have a pretty sweet representation of 2010.

Musical

2010-02-25T11:40:00.000-05:00

Music Sheets by ~jillydear on deviant ART
I'm in a very musical mood today.

Go On Boy....

2010-02-24T22:53:00.000-05:00

I've found it rather amusing to put different lyrics to my favorite songs to get a message across. I used to listen to this song all the time with Ne-Yo's Because of You first came out. I find this song rather appealing because it's exactly what's been happening....

Ang Pange

2010-02-24T00:43:00.000-05:00

I made Ang Pange a new layout because she's considering starting up her blog again. I wish her luck and love that girl!

I Cut 10 Inches of My Hair Off Today

2010-02-22T22:49:00.000-05:00

I decided that today was the day... For months I've debated whether or not to cut off all my hair and donate to Locks of Love. It was never long enough. For a couple years, I've been growing it out for this purpose. I've been patiently awaiting the day when I finally cut it all off and send it to them.

I expected to pay more than usual at the hair dresser's for my cut, but when I asked her what I owed her, she told me that she doesn't let people who donate pay her. Her sister was a victim of cancer and she does it as a memorial for her. It was very sweet. I walked out of Mrs. Thompson's with a huge smile and my ten inches ready to mail out. I hope the child who receives my hair enjoys it and puts it to better use than I did.

Today is the International Day for the Fight Against Cancer... In memory of those who lost the battle against cancer, and those who continue fighting. I pray for a cure. ✞

Georgia, How Could You?!

2010-02-19T13:27:00.001-05:00

I've been listening to my A.P. U.S. history podcasts all morning and the current one I'm on is about how African Americans were still disenfranchised in the south after reconstruction. Jennifer Burns talks about how lynchings and hanging took place for black men who were accused of raping white women without a trial. They were then photographed and then sent as post cards in the state of Georgia. Prof. Burns gave out the website and the pictures are heart wrenching. I'm so ashamed of American history sometimes. It breaks my heart to pieces. We've come so far from that point thanks to the civil rights movements and all the people who gave thief blood, sweat, tears, and lives for what they believed in. Rest in heaven you blessed souls.